Spongebob's Death Note
by UpToNoGood42
Summary: Spongebob gets a death note; underwater panic ensues. Chapters are short; I'm sorry if that bugs you...
1. PART 1 SCENE 1

_Warning: May Contain Small Parts. Not Intended for Children Under the Age of Three._

PART 1~

SCENE 1~

Spongebob: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!

Patrick: (raises hand) Do they have happy meals?

Spongebob: NO THEY DO NOT HAVE HAPPY MEALS!

Squidward: What in the world are you two doing?

Spongebob: We're reenacting 300.

Squidward: Isn't that film rated "R"?

Spongebob: Please don't tell my parents, Squidward. They might ground me from Myspace.

Squidward: _You_ have a Myspace? How many friends do _you_ have?

Spongebob: It doesn't matter that my only friend is Tom. Just don't tell my parents.

Squidward: I won't on one condition. You two go "reenact" somewhere else.

Spongebob: Why?

Squidward: You're in my refrigerator!

Spongebob: Patrick got hungry.

Patrick: (burps) Oh, by the way, you're out of Swiss cheese.

Squidward: Get the hell out of my fridge.

Spongebob: (gasps) Squidward watch your language!

Squidward: What? You just swore not to long ago.

Patrick: Wouldn't that make you a potty-mouth, Spongebob?

Spongebob: Oh my God! You're right! I have to go wash my mouth out with soap. (leaves… crying)

Patrick: I'M RIGHT!

Squidward: Please leave.


	2. PART 1 SCENE 2

PART 1~

SCENE 2~

Ryuk: Stupid Light; leaving me at Spaceland. Maybe some music will cheer me up. (takes out ipod) What!? Light forgot to put my Hannah Montana songs on!? Never trust a human to do a Shinigami's job. I'm stealing' his Death Note.

(Ryuk's wings unfold and he flies to Light's house)

Light: S'about time you got home, Ryuk. You had me worried.

Ryuk: Shut up. You left me at Spaceland.

Light: And you say that like it's a bad thing.

Ryuk: You said you were going to the bathroom.

Light: I did.

Ryuk: FOR SIX HOURS!?!?

Light: Sorry.

Ryuk: Sorry don't cut it anymore. (punches Light square in the face, takes Death Note)

(Ryuk flies around for a while before realizing he's lost)

Ryuk: Crap! Where is the entrance to the Shinigami Realm? I guess I'll call Rem. (takes out phone and dials Rem's number)

Rem: Hello?

Ryuk: Hey Rem, its Ryuk.

Rem: Hey there Big Boy. What's a guy like you calling for so late?

Ryuk: I need to know where the entrance to the Shinigami Realm is.

Rem: It's over the Pacific Ocean now. Damn portal-thing keeps moving.

Ryuk: Thanks Rem. I owe you big time

Rem: Well how 'bout you come over to my place soon. We can have some fun.

Ryuk: Yeah, I have to go now. (hangs up)

Rem: (not knowing Ryuk hung up) I was talking about sex!

Ryuk: Wait, I can't swim. Now how am I supposed to get to the portal…? Oh yeah, I can fly… over to the boat rental station. (arrives at boat rental station) I would like to rent a canoe.

Boat Rental Clerk: Oh My God… A Floating Notebook!!!

Ryuk: It's not worth letting him see me. I'll just steal a boat too. (walks to dock, climbs into boat paddles away)

_Many, many, many, many hours later…_

Ryuk: Hey, I see the portal. (stands up) Holy Crap! The canoes tipping! (Ryuk starts flying, but drops Death Note) CRAP!


	3. PART 1 SCENE 3

PART 1~

SCENE 3~

Ryuk: I can't breath underwater! How am I supposed to get it now?!

(Death Note slowly sinks down to the sea floor and comes to rest next to what looks like a street running by a rock, a Easter Island head, and a pineapple)

Spongebob: (runs by crying) I'm such a bad person. Why did I have to – hey! A diary! (picks up Death Note) What are these strange words written on the cover? Maybe Sandy knows!

(Spongebob runs to Sandy's tree dome with the Death Note)

Spongebob: SANDY! SANDY! Look what I found! A diary!

Sandy: (takes Death Note from Spongebob) Well, darn tootin', Spongebob; that ain't no diary.

Spongebob: What do you mean?

Sandy: Well, Spongebob, it says here on the cover that it is a "Death Note."

Spongebob: What does that mean?

Sandy: Using inductive reasoning, I can only assume that it is a notebook of death…

Spongebob: Sandy, what on earth are you talking about?!

Sandy: Hold your seahorses, Spongebob. There seem to be some kind of instructions written in here. (speed-reads the instructions) Well, this looks to be no more than a phony-bologna prank; I bet it is just a plain ole' diary. (hands the Death Note back to Spongebob)

Spongebob: Thanks for you help, Sandy. I'm going home, right now, to write the first entry! (prances home)

Sandy: Gee, I hope it's just a prank…

Spongebob: (sits at desk) This is so cool; my very first diary! (takes out pen) Now let's write about today's events!


	4. PART 1 SCENE 4

PART 1~

SCENE 4~

Spongebob: (write furiously) "Dear Diary… today, me and Patrick played in Squidward Tentacles' fridge. I can remember his face when he found us in there. It was all surprised and stuff. Tomorrow, me and Sandy are going to the movies. I'm going to go invite Patrick and Squidward too. Love, Spongebob." Well, that's sounds good. I'll go invite them now.

(Spongebob goes over to Patrick's rock and knocks on it)

Patrick: If it's the re-po man, nobody's home.

Spongebob: No, Patrick. It's me.

Patrick: "Me" who?

Spongebob: Patrick, it's Spongebob!

Patrick: (opens rock) Oh, Spongebob, it's you.

Spongebob: Yea, that's what I s— (gets pulled inside by Patrick)

Patrick: Shh, Spongebob. The trees might hear you.

Spongebob: We're underwater, Patrick. There are no trees.

Patrick: Watch what you say; they kill the non-believers.

Spongebob: O…kay? I just wanted to invite you to the movies tomorrow.

Patrick: And?

Spongebob: "And" what?

Patrick: Say, "thank you!"

Spongebob: For what?

Patrick: For not devouring your soul.

Spongebob: Patrick, your dark side needs to see a psychiatrist.

Patrick: Oh… Well, I'll see you at the movies, I guess.

Spongebob: Sure thing. I'll go invite Squidward now.

(Spongebob goes next-door to Squidward's house and knocks on the door)

Spongebob: Oh, Squidward!

(no answer)

Spongebob: I'm coming in, Squidward. (looks around) Maybe he's upstairs. (goes upstairs) Eeek!!!

(Spongebob finds Squidward lying on the floor, dead)


	5. PART 1 SCENE 5

PART 1

SCENE 5

Spongebob: SQUIDWARD! SQUIDWARD, WAKE UP! Oh no, what happened? I have to call 911!

(Spongebob calls 911 and an ambulance and police arrive)

Doctor: Spongebob, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Squidward is dead.

Spongebob: What's the cause of death, doc?

Doctor: It appears that he died from a massive heart attack.

Spongebob: When did it happen?

Doctor: I'd say 20 minutes ago at the most. Spongebob, before I say any more, the police want to talk to you.

Officer: Hello, Spongebob, I'm Officer Penber. Don't worry; you're not in trouble. It's just protocol to question all witnesses.

Spongebob: But I didn't see him die.

Officer: You found the body. That makes you a witness.

Spongebob: Oh. Well, when Squidward didn't answer the door, I came in and found him laying there.

Officer: So, you're saying the door was unlocked?

Spongebob: Yes

Officer: Hey, Officer Misora. This kid says the door was unlocked.

2nd Officer: That could mean that this was a break-in.

Officer: Exactly. Have the medical team check the victim for cardioplegics.

2nd Officer: Sure thing.

Officer: Spongebob, we're gonna catch this bastard.


End file.
